After 10 years of success with beautiful movies ranging from patriotism (Rang De Basanti) ,specialties of life (Taare Zameen Par) to the great movie about college life and friendship (3 Idiots). The Legendary Aamir Khan comes down from his winning streak to this royal piece of bullshit. Now this review marks up for history as this will be my first ever negative review on my blog and trust me, I am enjoying myself as I am writing this with all the sense of humour I have left in me. Also a HUGE spoiler warning. I know it has been a long time since it has released, but screw it we might as well insult it.
The story is about Sahir (Aamir Khan) who steals some bank in Chicago (The Western Bank of Chicago, I think)as an act of revenge against the bank owner whom he blames for his father’s suicide (That flashback story is anything but emotional), to investigate this criminal and bring him down, they call two cops (One of whom is a total dick), both played by Abhishek Bachchan and Uday Chopra from India to investigate on this issue (Seriously?).
So, moving on, as I review a movie I always discuss the negatives first as the positives overshadow them, but since this film’s case is the exact opposite, I am going to discuss the movie’s positives first.
What Worked ?
- Actually I would say NOTHING, but for the sake of any fan who actually gave a crap about this movie, the only highlight of this film could possibly be Aamir Khan’s performance as Sahir/Samar (yep, there are 2 Aamir Khan’s in this film, if you haven’t seen it, one of the worst twists ever).
- The opening 20 minutes – I hated this movie for the entire 3 hours of watching it, but the opening chase sequence where Sahir robs the bank and escapes the police was plausible enough (for a Bollywood movie) and I was actually buying this to be a good action film by Bollywood standards (Boy, was I wrong).
What Didn’t Work ? (The entire film actually, but let me have my share of fun)
- The twist – So there is this lame twist where Sahir turns out to have a twin brother, who is kinda like Forrest Gump (basically he is retarded but smart) and they both helped each other to get out of unexplained situations, basically the director actually thought he was doing something good in the story line (he sure wasn’t). The reason why I hated it is because it got the story to places you would never expect (like an amusement park for a roller coaster ride with a cop). It is so implausible in every damn way.
- The Slow motion sequences and Special Effects- Wow, where to begin, there are so many action sequences in the film which use slow motion and the special effect used in some of them are so cheap you would laugh(Look at the bike which turns into a water scooter if you don’t believe me). At almost each scene where either our hero or the villain rides his bike, it is instantly played in slow motion with the main theme song at it’s background (You really do get tired of it) and when I say “action sequence”, please don’t get me wrong, it’s NOT cool at all. Well, so much for hyping it.
The Script- These guys have no clue what they are saying, A factor for this film’s awfulness is it’s script written by Vijay Krishna Acharya (I even bothered to remember his name, also the director). Seriously, this should get a Golden Raspberry Award for worst screenplay, the dialogue is so cheesy, made up and cliched at every moment and doesn’t even feel naturally executed, even if Aamir Khan is present on screen. Let me give you a few examples.
Jai Dixit to Ali : “Kam ki soch Kam****ra ki nahi “(Seriously, in a (U/A) film) Jai Dixit to Sahir:”Ek 9mm ki goli hamesha nishan lagakar chali jaati hai”(in english-a 9mm shot always leaves a sign) No shit, Sherlock
- Katrina Kaif– I am literally out of all the craps I can give, her presence in this film(which is barely 30-40 minutes) is just so that perverts can see her dance sequences (I wasn’t interested in them either), Her acting really needs some work.
- Like nearly every bollywood film that has come out in the recent past, this one lacks originality (Lot of it).
- The message- This film conveys that if you take a loan from a bank and the banker is not kind, he is a bad guy, if you don’t pay it back, you are the good guy and you are justified by robbing him and destroying his living.
- The plot motivations – This film has so many of them, the bank robbing, falling in love, friendship, all of which are told in the worst way possible.
- The ripoff land of bollywood – as expected from an apparently expensive bollywood movie, it is copied or ripped off from a Hollywood feature (2 of them in this case), which is Now You See Me (2013) and The Prestige (2006). Man, I need to forget this movie even exists
- Ali’s Dreams– Man, they are embarrassing, for all I have to say, each time they appear on screen, I wanted to look away and think about rainbows. WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?
- So in the end, I have nothing more to say, nearly everything about this film is bad, the direction, the acting (Aamir Khan is an exception), the screenplay, the editing, the special effects and the music.
To even believe Aamir Khan told us on Koffee with Karran, that this had one of the best screenplays he had ever read, I am so disappointed, Bollywood needs to step away from trying to replicate something that it simply cannot and I definitely do urge them to go back to making dramas, which they are good at making, with this I am going with a downright 1/5 stars for Dhoom 3.
RATING: 1/5 stars
I will be reviewing the Oscar nominated films for best picture 2013, two days from now
Until the next blog